I am a fucking coward. That's why I am posting my thoughts and feelings here, rather than going straight to the source. Why is it that I always fall victim to the one that has no good intentions, and lies to me? I usually have a temporary loss of senses where I fall for those lies, and believe that this person is being genuine. I have a general distrust for people though, so when my gut tells me that something doesn't click, I become nosy and do a little snooping around.
Lo and behold, you're just like everyone else, and you were lying to me. I should have figured it out after you bailed on me the second time, but after you blew me off again last night, I finally realized that something had changed. Sure enough, you've found someone else, and didn't even have the decency to tell me. Started feeding me some lies that I only pretended to believe, because I wasn't about to go off on you when I didn't have any proof. Well, I do now and by the time I'm done with this, my thoughts will be clear and rational enough to call you out without flipping my lid.
I trusted you, and listened to you sob and cry over how bad your ex treated you and how your heart was broken. I promised to wait for you, not to rush you and to just be friends, because you weren't ready to be in a relationship and just wanted to be friends for a while. Well, fuck that. You were using me, just like everyone else, and I've gotten sick of it. I think the worst of it, is that it wasn't a man who broke my heart this time, but someone of my own gender. I thought I could trust you more because you knew what it was like to have a man use and abuse your heart, feelings and trust. I was wrong.
I now know how so many men turn into assholes, and so many women into cold, bitchy women. Both genders are equally awful to each other, and trying to find someone with good intentions becomes more and more difficult with each passing day.
"Oh, but Nikki, you're not being fair. You have feelings for someone else too!"
Fuck that. I didn't pursue anything, both because I had promised to wait for you and not to rush things, and because I knew that things wouldn't work out with this other person. It's something like a school girl crush. No matter what I feel for him, and how strongly, I'm positive that my feelings aren't returned, and there are several things that would make pursing the feelings illogical.
Know what the kicker is? I honestly hope that you're happy. That's a genuine sentiment. The worst thing is that you just didn't have the decency to tell me that you'd found someone else. Sure, that would fucking hurt, but it would hurt a lot less than finding out this way. All the lies and secrecy start to eat at you, and pretty soon, you're going to be a shadow of your former self. So, just come forward and tell me the truth already, because it's the best for the both of us.
And, if he breaks your heart...I'm sorry darling, I won't be here to pick up the pieces this time. I need to think about myself for once, and you're not a part of that plan anymore.
Lo and behold, you're just like everyone else, and you were lying to me. I should have figured it out after you bailed on me the second time, but after you blew me off again last night, I finally realized that something had changed. Sure enough, you've found someone else, and didn't even have the decency to tell me. Started feeding me some lies that I only pretended to believe, because I wasn't about to go off on you when I didn't have any proof. Well, I do now and by the time I'm done with this, my thoughts will be clear and rational enough to call you out without flipping my lid.
I trusted you, and listened to you sob and cry over how bad your ex treated you and how your heart was broken. I promised to wait for you, not to rush you and to just be friends, because you weren't ready to be in a relationship and just wanted to be friends for a while. Well, fuck that. You were using me, just like everyone else, and I've gotten sick of it. I think the worst of it, is that it wasn't a man who broke my heart this time, but someone of my own gender. I thought I could trust you more because you knew what it was like to have a man use and abuse your heart, feelings and trust. I was wrong.
I now know how so many men turn into assholes, and so many women into cold, bitchy women. Both genders are equally awful to each other, and trying to find someone with good intentions becomes more and more difficult with each passing day.
"Oh, but Nikki, you're not being fair. You have feelings for someone else too!"
Fuck that. I didn't pursue anything, both because I had promised to wait for you and not to rush things, and because I knew that things wouldn't work out with this other person. It's something like a school girl crush. No matter what I feel for him, and how strongly, I'm positive that my feelings aren't returned, and there are several things that would make pursing the feelings illogical.
Know what the kicker is? I honestly hope that you're happy. That's a genuine sentiment. The worst thing is that you just didn't have the decency to tell me that you'd found someone else. Sure, that would fucking hurt, but it would hurt a lot less than finding out this way. All the lies and secrecy start to eat at you, and pretty soon, you're going to be a shadow of your former self. So, just come forward and tell me the truth already, because it's the best for the both of us.
And, if he breaks your heart...I'm sorry darling, I won't be here to pick up the pieces this time. I need to think about myself for once, and you're not a part of that plan anymore.
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